Saturday, April 17, 2010

Dear Mother Pt1

Dear Mum,

I have a few things to get off my chest, I have to write them because I need to be heard without interruption.
Things are not working for me here in Bathurst, not just because it's cold and not just because I haven't given it enough time. It's not working because of my relationship with you and The Family.

You are my family, and I love you, however I find it really hard to live in close proximity to you all. It's a love I can only stand in little doses from a distance. As brutal and harsh as this is going to sound I find your involvement in my life FAR too overbearing, controlling and critical.

A psychologist once told me you were too enmeshed in my life, instead of having a separate life as an independant adult, my adult life is way too linked to you in a child/parent dynamic. It's not healthy and it wreaks havoc on my personal relationships.

When I've spent time away from you I forget what our relationship is like in close quarters. I'm very flighty by nature and sometimes in my relationship with Mojo I become stuck, and feel stagnant, bored and unstimulated. These are the times I feel the need to run away. I become numb and unfeeling. What I NEED during those times is a break - NOT a breakup!

Instead of forcing me to face these issues like an adult you enable me to keep running away. The Family make it far too easy for me to up and leave, even though this isn't what I actually want - I can see no other way out at the time. What I need is a week/end away, maybe to come and see you, maybe just at a hotel somewhere that is NOT home.

The fact is, as much as you hate it. I love Mojo, I always have and I always will. He's been in my life far longer than I've been born into this body and I don't intend to completely cut him out.

In fact, quite the opposite. I intend to move back to where he is and live with him in Darwin.

I'm sorry that this will hurt you, as that really isn't my intention. My intention is to live MY life for ME and be true to myself and what *I* actually want, not what I think everyone thinks I should want.

I love you, I love you more when I'm not around.
Love From Me.

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